a rant.

Today is just one of those days...if you know what i mean. Where you can do nothing but literally HATE everyone and everything...and most particularly for me, myself and my life. I hate feeling this way and i really have no idea why i do feel this way every so often..but, i feel like its magnified this time aroud.

Like, right now, i haaaate that it seems like everyone else's lives are soo much cooler and better and they're getting to do all sorts of fun and adventurous things without having to really worry about money or time or whatever. ughhhh it's so ridiculous. i wanted to become a totally different person before we decided to have kids, and well clearly that won't be happening now. i feel like i'm always going to be stuck as this lame person that i will always hate. i just hate hate hate everything right now and feel like nothing is fair. why can't i be one of the lucky ones that get to do whatever they want with their lives?

I hate that i feel like i am never going to find a career or job that i really truly care about and love doing..and now that there's a baby on the way to be more concerned with, i feel like that's really never going to happen because i'm going to have to settle for doing some stupid job that i hate just to help put food on the table. and i'll never be able to get out of that because that never happens for anyone.

And it's even more frustrating because i have no one to talk about this with...Anyone that i would want to try and explain this to wouldn't understand because they are no where near being in the same situation as me. Today feels like it's impossible to figure out how to transition from being someone with people to actually hang out with..to being someone with a boyfriend and everyone starts abandoning you because they think you will abandon them first...to being someone engaged and married and REALLY having no friends because none of your friends "get" it...to now being married and pregnant with no life at all and no one to talk to or cry to that will really care or understand. Right now at this current moment, i quite literally hate the way my life has turned out. And there really is no way to say this and let it be known that i don't mean it as awful as it sounds.