36 weeks.

i'm 36 weeks today and at my appointment found out i'm 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced!

awesome!

i knew something was up, but wasn't actually expecting to hear that. crazy.

i'll get around to a 36 week picture later on.

so so so so sooo miserable.

seriously. MISERABLE. like...i just want to be put in a coma and never wake up. not even once baby is here. i just feel depressed and angry today.

for the past few days..or weeks..fuck, i can't remember anymore, i've been just feeling so UGH. i'm semi-nauseous 24/7...i'm always hot and sweaty...i'm so tired because i don't sleep well and it just makes me super fucking cranky...my hands and feet hurt because they're retaining water..yet i'm barely swollen at all...like no one but me would be able to tell that i'm slightly swollen. yet it hurts SO bad. my contractions are getting stronger and more uncomfortable and they make me nauseous.
the other night i started having them every 4 minutes and i had really bad PMS type cramps...we called my doctor after i had started timing them and realized they were coming consistently but she said they tend to do that in the end, especially at night..but not to worry about them unless they're still there hours later and if they start hurting worse. they eventually went away almost 4 hours later. i know everytime i woke up in the night i would have one...so i dont know how often i was still having them while i slept, if at all. i know the next day i just felt awful. i don't know how the fuck i'm going to be able to handle moving in a couple of weeks and unpacking and getting all this stuff done. i'm gonna be full term by then so i could easily go into labor..i'm so scared of that happening...especially since i've been feeling so much worse, almost exactly how other women say they feel when they're going into labor soon. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE THIS BABY YET. we're so not ready.

alright well, fuck. now i'm just stressing myself out more and crying.

GREAT.

i finally got a good recording of baby moving...she was like this ALL day. usually she's only like that once or twice a day with other smaller movements throughout the day. oh no...she was going crazy today. if you have your sound up loud enough you'll hear that we were watching arrested development! heheh

p.s. i'll be 35 weeks tomorrow.

Blehhh

Today i had my regular OB appointment. 34 weeks. Everything seems to be going well, but i told her about how whenever i get contractions or anything that causes my blood pressure to rise that i have these other symptoms: my heart and brain feel like they're swelling up, i get these little black dots in my peripheral vision that fly around, and weird geometric, translucent white spots in my line of vision that just kind of fade away, and i'm left with this strange headache afterwards too...

She said it sounded like it could be HELLP syndrome...which she said is basically like preeclampsia without the blood pressure problem. When i was at the doctor i was experiencing all that, yet my BP was fine. So she ordered some labs and got some blood drawn. She said they'd call me with my results later on. I haven't heard back and it's 5 so if they don't call by midday tomorrow i'll call them back.

Normally i'd go back in 2 weeks when i'm 36 weeks but she wants me to come in next week too. I googled HELLP syndrome and it sounds scary. I hope I don't have it because like preeclampsia the only thing that really cures it is to deliver. I'm not ready for that and i don't want to have to deal with this scary crap.

:(

baby looooves music.

baby, everytime i've listened to the thermals you start dancing. how cute! you love the thermals. they're coming right before your due date..it'd be awesome if we could take you, in utero of course, but i don't see that happening.

you also love mates of state. just like your mommy. when we're in the car and i sing, you dance. i can't wait til you're out and you hear these songs and you remember them and they make you happy. hehe. the pack 'n' play we picked out for you has a hookup for our ipods so you're totally always going to be listening to good music. it will be rad.

yesterday was our baby shower. you got lots of awesome things! even some rad homemade things. everyone loves you already!! your "uncle" kim made you some awesome onesies...2 of them are screenprinted to be mates & get up kids onesies. you will look so totally rad in them. and you will be the hippest baby around town. you'll probably be wearing them with your pink converse you got. hehe...daddy wants to get a pair to match you....i don't know about that. and uncle kim says she has tons more to give you too. i can't wait to see what she's made for you.

31 & 32

so i totally slacked on my 31 week picture. so i'm going to post it here with my AWFUL 32 week.

so far everything is still looking good. baby's got a good heartbeat going on...and she's constantly kicking me. i gained 6 pounds since my last visit 2 weeks ago. no biggie though, cause i didn't gain anything during the previous appointment. we go for our hospital tour on saturday!!! and the baby shower is sunday!! i'm so excited!

31 weeks



32 weeks


the digital camera was SO not my friend this week...sooo...i totally photoboothed it. i seriously looked awful.